Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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