It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
