I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
