The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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