I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
