my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
