Just mADE A PArabola og urine
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
