dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
