I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
