Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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