Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
