Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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