He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
