Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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