I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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