How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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