my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
