Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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