Barsexuality is the new black.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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