We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
