I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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