Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
