A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
