you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
