i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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