Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
