Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
