found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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