He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We smell like vodka and hangover
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
