Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
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