I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
