Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
