so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
