I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You ate ashes out of my bong
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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