Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
