he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
