took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
