whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
