im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I didn't notice because vodka
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
