Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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