Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
