We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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