Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
