Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
