Need sex. Gaining weight.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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