Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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