I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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