The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
