I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
