No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
