i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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