ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
